Your Brain Protects You when You Think You’re Going to Die?

I survived a horrendous attack. It’s been a few years now but I haven’t been the same since.

A few years back I woke up in the middle of the night in my apartment in my own bed with a stranger on top of me straddling me; he broke in at 2:30am with the intention to rape me. He had my legs pinned down, my arms pinned down under his knees, one hand covering my mouth so I wouldn’t scream, he kept repeating ‘Don’t scream.’ His other hand started to unbutton my pajamas. I remember looking at the wall & hoping that that neighbor would hear the commotion, awaken & save me before I died.

It’s weird how your brain seems to go into this protective mode – I had this weird acceptance that I might die. Then it seemed to shift into another gear. It’s hard to explain. Almost like a detachment, a protection, an “okay don’t panic cuz you can still try to get out of this, so “we’ll” think of something else.” Like a ‘guidance.’

I thought okay well if he’s going to kill me I’ll make it as loud as possible. Maybe my neighbor will wake & save me before I die.

That’s when it suddenly occured to me: I realized that I had another defence, my only defense – was my teeth. I bit that motherfucker’s hand that was covering my mouth so hard I was sure I took off a finger. Pissed, he punched me in the face twice – it was kind of in slow motion. Protected from the pain? But he had released his grip, lost some control, & something kinda took over. I screamed so friggen loud that the next day I found out people on the next block heard me.

A friend of mine told me of a similar experience on summer vacation last summer in Greece when he almost drowned. He had gotten pulled too far out, & was stuck in the undertow, & remembered realizing he was drowning & going to die. He said he felt some kind of protection wash over him. A calm. The next thing he knew two lifeguards were pulling him out of the water, gave him CPR, & thank God he’s still with us today.

At this point we rolled off the bed & I chased him out by the way he came in. I remember being unable to process as I saw my back door open, the window lifted & the screen on the floor. He was out the door he came in & I slammed it so fast, terrified, & locked it & called 911.

I didn’t sleep for a whole year – imagine that – being afraid to go to sleep. I started sleeping on couches – cuz I figured there was less of a chance of someone getting as much control as he did & it’d be easier to roll-off & things like that .. people don’t realize that an event like that – even if it only lasts for 10 minutes, changes a person’s life forever.

I haven’t been the same since. That shit really changes you. I don’t really watch TV anymore but I used to love ‘Law & Order,’ I would cry at every one cuz I knew the terror they were experiencing.

I still jump when my toast pops out of the toaster. I don’t trust people. But it did wake me up to the harsh realities of the world & allow me to start seeing things for what they really are.

And for that I am truly grateful.

2 Replies to “Your Brain Protects You when You Think You’re Going to Die?”

  1. That is a terrifying story. As a father of two girls I was hyper vigilant for their safety. I made the vow many times in front of them, that if anyone hurt them, especially in that manner, I would not hesitate to kill the perp, and I meant it. I would have found a way to kill the asshole. Thank goodness you were able to keep your wits and defeat the guy. There are some great security systems these days, and they don’t cost an arm and a leg. If you don’t have one, look into it. Stay safe.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thx ☺️ It’s a sad day when you realize that these things don’t just happen on TV and in the movies.
      My mistake was leaving my back window open an inch or two not realizing that someone with nefarious intentions could get it open, I guess you don’t think about that stuff until it happens. Now I tell everyone never leave the windows open – it was the end of May so summer was just starting.


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